I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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