apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
