Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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