My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
