I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
