i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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