Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
