It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
