I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
