We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
