R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
