May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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