i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
