I'm going to jail i love you
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
