my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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