i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
