Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
