Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
