I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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