highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
