While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
