The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
