I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
