he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
