I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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