I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
