hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
