Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
