I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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