You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
