So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
