i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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