Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
