Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
