Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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