We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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