I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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