So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Randomize
