She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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