Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
