next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
