I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
