when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
