how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
