So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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