Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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