16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Drunk is not a location!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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