dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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