i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
