6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
