do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
