He kissed a someone with a penis
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
