Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
