if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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